The Dress: Making The Purchase.

I bought my wedding dress yesterday.

It was my third trip out, and this time it was just me, my mom and my sister. No friends, no entourage. Just us.

We found it in a 2nd floor, tiny, stiflingly hot, over-stocked bridal store with an uncomfortably low ceiling and a changing room not much bigger than a small closet, in the north end of Toronto by the highway.

The women working there weren't wearing any rocks on their fingers. They were young - probably in their late 20's - and every sentence spoken to each other was in Portuguese.

It was no muss, no fuss. I tried on 3 before my mother asked if I could try one that was on a mannequin standing in the window overlooking the street.

As soon as I put it on and stepped out from behind the curtain, and saw the way everyone was looking at me, I knew. I just KNEW. I loved it. It was perfect.

My mother's eyes welled up, my sister's eyes welled up, I took a few laps around the tiny room then signed on the dotted line. No muss, no fuss, and WELL within my budget.

And that was that. I had found and bought the dress I am going to get married in. I sent some texts around, joking that I was glad that part of the planning process was over!! I got home, told Nat, got on with my day then eventually it was time for bed.

Then, somewhere between washing my face and brushing my teeth, I burst into tears. I was overcome with emotion. I couldn't control it...I just started sobbing. I had just bought MY WEDDING DRESS!!!

In the blink of an eye on a lazy Sunday afternoon, I had had one of the most important and significant moments of my adult life. Definitely the most important moment I could have as a woman thus far. It's something that you imagine doing your entire life...maybe not all of us, but most of us I bet. I used to put a towel on my head when I was a girl and pretend it was a veil. My mother has pictures of me when I was no older than 5, wearing a floor-length white dress holding a bouquet, pretending to be a bride. She also has a picture of a dress I ripped out of a magazine when I was a teenager, saying to her "this is the dress I want to get married in". You talk about it with girlfriends as you get older, and maybe the image of the dress changes over the years but that feeling, the bubbling excitement that "one day!" it will happen, doesn't change. Until it happens.

I felt like maybe I hadn't let that moment sink in enough. Maybe I hadn't made it special enough. Other than my mother and sister, there weren't any women fawning over me, offering me champagne, bringing me dress after dress, allowing me hours in each in front of the mirror. It wasn't like it is on TV. It was quick and painless, and I felt like it had passed me by without being fully appreciated.

I crawled into bed, face still puffy, nose still runny, poor Nat confused and concerned. I tried to explain, to put into words how I felt. And he told me, "there will be so many moments like that in the coming months, just try to take each one in as much as you can. And remember that it's all leading up to THE big day, a day which will completely trump all of those other moments combined."

Still feeling a bit unsettled, I got out of bed and went to the couch, picked up my phone and quietly called the one person I knew could make me feel better.

"Hello?"
"...I bought my wedding dress today, Momma."

Even though she was there in that special moment, I just had to say it again.

The conversation that followed made me feel special and warm and beyond satisfied. It's not that you didn't appreciate the moment. Quite the opposite, actually. It's that you know how unbelievably special and significant it was, that you want to cling onto it for dear life. You don't want it to fade away, you want to hold onto that feeling forever. Yes, you can blink your eyes and a moment has passed. But those who were with you will help you relive it whenever need be.

I know it's a bit rambly....but it's so hard to explain. Everyone who has had a moment like that can hopefully relate to how I'm feeling. It's only been one day and I'm already feeling nostalgic.

Although I'm totally expecting time to stand still when I'm up there, marrying the man I love, I know it will pass by just as quickly as all the others. And once The Big Day comes and goes, I will have dozens of little BIG moments to file away in the memory bank, creating one, lovely, amazing moment.

And not having learned my lesson, I can't freaking wait :)